Since arriving in Puerto Rico last July, I’ve heard many tales of all of the fabulous lechon found around the island. Though I’d been sniffing around Rincon for it all summer and fall, I left for the holidays which is when everybody and there momma throws a pig on the spit and a feast is had by all. Until this past weekend I had yet to sink my teeth into any magically delicious crispy pork skin and succulent flesh… but all of that changed! Thanks effing god. Oh whole roasted pig, I bow to your awesomeness. You complete me. Hell – there’s a reason I have a tattoo of you. Seriously – if you have never been to a pig roast or had the chance to experience it first hand, you don’t know what you’re missing… And I’m weeping for you a little on the inside.

This weekend I had a chance to go to a local Promesa in the hills of Lajas. What is a Promesa you ask? If a family or individual has problems, around the holidays they will ask the Three Kings to intercede. The individual will make a promise that for a certain number of years that on a specific day every year you will come together to give honor to the Three Kings, which usually happens in the form of singing. There are Promesa’s that have been going on for generation after generation. The individual erects an alter with things related to their particular promise. In the case of the Promesa I attended, Leo is a farmer so his promise has to do with agriculture and his alter was filled with the produce from his farm. Once the music begins, one person sings the versus of the songs and the community sings the chorus so it becomes a dialogue back and forth of the promises to the kings. The singing lasts for a set amount of time then there is an equal amount of time for sharing and drinking. This pattern of singing then sharing/drinking continues all night and often times into the next day or even the day after. I feel so incredibly fortunate to have been invited to experience this incredible glimpse inside the Puerto Rican culture! What a culture of amazingly warm, generous, beautiful people. Sadly though, I didn’t take my camera out and capture any photos of the event.

Anthony – the man that made this fabulous weekend happen! Muchas Gracias, Anthony!

My friend who invited us to the Promesa used to live in the coastal town of La Paguera and commute through Lajas for his job doing archeological digs. Since these were his old stomping grounds he had mentioned to me that he knew of a place in the area that roasts a whole pig every Sunday… and that it is amazing. And oh my gawd is it amazing. It’s a little bar called La Catumba in Barrio Llanos Tuna in Cabo Rojo…. pretty much the middle of nowhere that I would have had a zero percent chance of finding on my own, so a HUGE thank you to Anthony for the entire weekend. La Catumba is a colmado – a little convenient store/bar that caters to the basic necessities of the direct people in the barrio… you know, with things like beer and vienna sausages. During the week they don’t serve much prepared food but on Sunday… look out! They throw the pig on the fire at 4am and it’s ready to hit your plate by noon. Not gonna lie, their lechon was pretty much one continuous mouthgasm after another. The men at La Catumba know how to do pig and I know how to eat it. It’s a match made in heaven really.

You know I had to peep my head into the the kitchen where the men were cooking the Lechon!

Did you grow up in a culture that does pig roasts? My dad used to work in the Agriculture department at Virginia Tech and ever year there would be an enormous pig roast. I remember gnawing on pig ears and feet and running around playing all kinds of games with the other kids. It’s there that I learned the saying, “You can eat every part of the pig except the oink”. It’s true and I love it all!

No related posts.

When I started to think about Christmas & New Years Eve hors d’oeuvre/appetizers, my mind initially went to dips. They’re easy to make, usually in advance, and people can still mix and mingle while snacking on them before the feast that’s to follow. It’s easy to fall into making the run-of-the-mill crowd pleasing dips, like spinach and artichoke heart or french onion. Sure everybody is going to love them but they are soooooo boooooring and played out. With very little effort you can make something much more exciting and significantly healthier!

The inspiration for this dish comes from one of my favorite restaurants in San Diego, Urban Solace. They have a goat cheese-butternut squash dish on the menu that we love to order and schmear all over some of their insanely delicious cheese biscuits. (Actually if you want to take the time to make biscuits to serve with this dip, these would go along side stunningly!) Though it’s been over a year since I’ve had Urban Solace’s dip, the essence of it is still in my head. This is my take on that dip which I’ve spiked with a tub of Knorr Homestyle Chicken Stock for an even richer flavor. It’s super simple to make, has big flavors and as far as dips are concerned it’s pretty darn healthy! (Assuming you don’t opt for making those biscuits, that is.) I hope you all have an amazing holiday season and enjoy being surrounded by friends, family and all of the amazing food.

*I am a professional recipe developer being paid by Knorr as part of the Knorr 4 promotion. While Knorr is footing the bill, all content and opinions comes directly from my (sometimes offbeat and slightly cheesy) brain.

Recipes in this post:

• Butternut Squash, Chevre & Sage Dip

No related posts.

Regardless of what holidays you celebrate, this time of year is filled with traditions. Some people celebrate Christmas by feasting on prime rib (which I remember predicting would be the “in” holiday food in 2009… can anyone recall if that actually happened?), while others prefer a traditional ham. Over the past decade, most of my Christmas meals have been centered around soups or stews like gumbo or chili, which can be made in advance. Though this isn’t a tradition that I grew up with, it’s one that I freaking love because it frees up your time and allows you to get to hangout with your loved ones rather than slave over a hot stove all day. As I always say, soups, stews and pretty much anything braise always taste better the next day! (Or the day after that.) All you have to do on the day of your feast is reheat and focus on having a good time.

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Though I developed this tangy shredded chicken chili verde with poblanos, sweet corn & navy beans using Knorr Homestyle Chicken Stock with the holidays in mind, it would be great on any cold winter’s night. (Also – the leftovers would be great the next morning over some eggs. Mmmmmm.) If you like a less spicy chili feel free to omit the jalapeno in the recipe, or if you like it spicier feel free to throw in a second one. Recipes are merely guidelines. Let your taste buds lead the way!

*I am a professional recipe developer being paid by Knorr as part of the Knorr 4 promotion. While Knorr is footing the bill, all recipes, content and opinions comes directly from my (sometimes offbeat and slightly cheesy) brain.

Recipes in this post:

• Chicken Chili Verde with Poblanos, Sweet Corn & Navy Beans

Related posts:

1. Sweet & Spicy Asian Bourbon Chicken
2. Brined Pork Roast w/ Curried Cranberry Apple Sauce
3. Hearty Red Wine Braised Short-Rib Beef Stew

In only a week and a half one of the biggest cooking days of the year is upon us!!! I’ve been talking about it for months now. MONTHS. And I’ve been testing Thanksgiving recipes using Knorr Homestyle Stocks the whole time. Yet as one would expect for a procrastinator like myself, I haven’t sat down to plan my actual Thanksgiving meal. With a last second change of plans I am no longer going to be spending Turkey Day in Puerto Rico, but will be in the deep south where I’ve offered to cook the whole meal myself (though I’m sure I’ll have assistants)!

To get in the mood to even think about planning a whole meal I decided to make myself a entire Thanksgiving-themed dinner rather than just a side dish like I’ve been doing. I made this herb roasted turkey breast – a timeless classic where you rub the herbs and seasoning under the skin. Seriously once you taste this turkey breast you’ll throw out your old recipe or stop doing the whole bird altogether. (Though if that’s not an option, here is an entire turkey guide that can give you reference to all of the ins and outs of the roasting process from defrosting to resting. Or if you are feeling nontraditional – I can also suggest this chipotle-brined butterflied grilled turkey which was off the chiz-ain, yo!) Anyway, in addition to turkey breast, I decided to whip up some some cream cheese and garlic mash sweet potatoes spiked with some Knorr Homestyle Chicken Stock and dash of cinnamon and nutmeg. I finished off the plate with a Champagne-Rosemary Beurre Blanc. (Which may or may not have been an excuse to buy a bottle of champagne so I could drink the leftovers.) Regardless – this plate definitely screamed Thanksgiving at me and gave me some insight into what I could do next week. Now whether I actually stick with that insight or not is another story.

I doubt I will have another post up before Thanksgiving so just in case I wanted to let you guys know exactly how incredibly blessed and thankful I am to have you in my life! Some of us (at least me) have been putzing around this little blog for almost 6 1/2 years now. I am so fortunate to have made so many close friends, in real life – as well as in the ether world, from What We’re Eating. So THANK YOU for all of your love, support and comments from over the years. I freakin’ love you!

*I am a professional recipe developer being paid by Knorr as part of the Knorr 4 promotion. While Knorr is footing the bill, all content and opinions comes directly from my (sometimes offbeat and slightly cheesy) brain.

Recipes in this post:

• Kicked-Up Cream Cheese Mashed Sweet Potatoes
• Champagne-Rosemary Beurre Blanc

Related posts:

1. Mahi Mahi with Cherry Chipotle Beurre Blanc
2. Butternut Squash Succotash w/ Sage Brown Butter
3. Holiday Recipe: Cheesy Chile, Fennel & Potato Gratin

It’s November already! How the hell did that happen? I mean, wasn’t it just the fourth of July like a week ago? I can’t believe the holiday season is just around the corner! The next time you blink you’ll be in the middle of a flurry of day-long cooking, hair-pulling, holiday stress… er… fun, before sitting down at the Thanksgiving table and enjoying a feast with your loved ones. It goes by so quickly that sometimes it’s hard to slow down and remember to actually be deeply thankful for all that we have. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the trials and tribulations of day-to-day life that you forget to stop and smell the roses, to appreciate the changing colors of the leaves or the glory of an icicle. Alright – you caught me. I’m spending the year on the coast in Puerto Rico, there are no leaves changing and a zero percent chance of snow that might form into an icicle. But I am thankful to have the opportunity to live in such an amazingly beautiful place and be surrounded by the welcoming arms of a genuinely warm culture. Where ever you are in your life or whatever your circumstances maybe, there are always things to be thankful for. While I think we should find the glory and appreciation for these things everyday, it’s nice to have a holiday that brings us all together so that we can share in our thanks outwardly and uplift each other.

Having a food blog means testing recipes for holidays WAY in advance. Sometimes there are recipes that you develop that you like, some that you can’t stand, and others that you flat out love. This Thanksgiving recipe that I developed for Knorr using their Homestyle Chicken Stock falls into the love category! Have you ever cooked your wild rice in orange juice before? It give it a sweetness and glazes the rice as it reduces and is absorbed. The dried cranberries add to the whole sweet-tart profile of the dish, while the fennel bulb and seeds play off the savory hot Italian sausage side. Really – I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say I might not miss stuffing on the Thanksgiving day table if this wild rice dressing were present. Okay, that might be a load of BS because I love stuffing, but this was sooooooo delicious. Good enough that over the course of two days my roommate and I polished off all ten portions and were sad when the last grain of rice was gone.

Have you planned out your Thanksgiving dishes yet? Do you try out the recipes in advance or just wing it and hope it all goes well the day of? I’d love to hear what you guys have lined up!

*I am a professional recipe developer being paid by Knorr as part of the Knorr 4 promotion. While Knorr is footing the bill, all recipes, content and opinions comes directly from my (sometimes offbeat and slightly cheesy) brain.

Recipes in this post:

• Sweet & Savory Wild Rice Dressing w/ Hot Italian Sausage, Orange, Dried Cranberries & Hazelnuts

Related posts:

1. Kickass Mexican Chorizo Cornbread Stuffing
2. Butternut Squash Succotash w/ Sage Brown Butter
3. Holiday Recipe: Cheesy Chile, Fennel & Potato Gratin

Before I dive into this post let me just say how beyond full you guys made my heart! The last post was so hard to write and even harder to press the publish button on but OMG the out-pouring of love and support from all of you has been incredible. I am going to respond to every comment and already have a follow-up post formulating in my mind that I hope to get to very soon but other work has been sucking up my time! Oh time, isn’t there any way to double you?

This Knorr Homestyle Stock holiday post about a far from low-cal side dish may seem odd on the heals of what I wrote last week. But like I said – I eat both low and high calorie foods in my day-to-day life! It’s really all about moderation and portion size…Two things that only briefly cross my mind when I sit down to a holiday feast… for about half of a second before the dishes start being passed around! I always end up taking a small serving of everything, which generally means an overflowing plate once the dust has settled. But that’s why you make side dishes like these glazed carrots to go along with items like this corn pudding with rosemary, caramelized onion & roasted garlic jam and chevre. Did you just drool a little? I did, while typing it.

One little confession: I didn’t dream this one up all by myself! I put a call out to my awesome facebook friends to let me pick their brains for their favorite holiday dishes. One of my friends from high school, Suzanne, said that she always looks forward to corn pudding – a classic regional side dish in the south western part of Virginia where I grew up. Another friend, Ayla, suggested a sweet potato & caramelized onion-roasted garlic jam casserole. Bada bing bada boom! Why not merge the two? And throw in some chevre and while we’re at it. When is chevre a bad idea? It plays well with both sweet and savory, which this dish has aspects of both. So thank you, Suzanne and Ayla, for helping a sister out!

Now I want to pick your brain too! What are some of your favorite holiday dishes? One that makes me nostalgic is sauerkraut slowly braised with pepperoni and pork. Not a dish that most people would consider a traditional American holiday food, but it made an appearance at every Thanksgiving & Christmas of my youth due to my mom’s eastern European roots. Can’t wait to hear your what favorites are!

*I am a professional recipe developer being paid by Knorr as part of the Knorr 4 promotion. While Knorr is footing the bill, all content and opinions comes directly from my (sometimes offbeat and slightly cheesy) brain.

Recipes in this post:

• Caramelized Onion-Roasted Garlic Jam & Chevre Corn Pudding

Related posts:

1. Butternut Squash Succotash w/ Sage Brown Butter
2. Holiday Recipe: Cheesy Chile, Fennel & Potato Gratin
3. Kickass Mexican Chorizo Cornbread Stuffing

That was me. Just over two years ago (May 2009) and over 110 pounds ago. This is such a hard, emotionally raw topic for me that I’ve written dozens of posts about it over the past year and discarded them all. But I really want to start sharing my story as I begin work on my newest project – a low-cal, full-flavor cookbook (which I haven’t gone so far as to look for a publisher yet but imma get on that part real soon).

I’ll share a little background with you… by sixth grade I was 180 lbs. By 18 I was pushing 200. By 29 I was 265 (ish… that was the last time I stepped on a scale months before I started losing weight. Probably a little higher than that in reality but I wasn’t able to face it.) I’ve been “overweight” or “obese” the majority of my life. As a kid, my mom always said “oh the allergy shots you had at 7 years old made you gain weight” but lets face it, eating large portions of unhealthy food mixed with a lack of exercise are what really made me gain weight and continue my upward course. It’s so. Effing. Hard to change your habits, regardless of what they are – eating, drinking, smoking, exercise, etc. It’s so easy to say, whatever, I’m fat, this sucks, there’s no end in sight. No way to imagine how to shed 100+ lbs. Shit, it’s hard to even own up to the fact that you need to lose 100+lbs. Nobody starts off life at 265lbs, but over the years somehow you just wake up one day and it’s gotten to that point. And you don’t like looking in the mirror. And you don’t like stepping on the scale. And you can’t stand photos of yourself or, god forbid, video.


Me, also from July 2009, on a trip Tyler and I took to Chicago.

Having been overweight for nearly all of the first 30 years of my life, I know exactly how people treat you. In grade school you get called names like “thunder thighs” or the likes there of (that one still echos clearly in my mind), as you get older people just stop looking you in the eyes. Everyone makes judgments or assumptions on the type of person you must be to have “let yourself” get to that point. I even had a local vendor at the Ocean Beach farmer’s market say to me “Yeah, you should definitely eat some more [grapefruit] and lay off the french fries” as I went to sniff the citrus at his stand. Another time when I was a personal chef in Rancho Santa Fe, I went to buy some beef jerky for the family I was working for and asked a store clerk for help finding it. He took me to the tofu jerky section, aisles away from the actual beef jerky section, and said, “I think this would be better for your needs”. Really? Do you know my needs? Because I “needs” to keep my freaking job and buy beef jerky for my client. Don’t assume, people. (Sorry, 2+ years later, it’s still as raw as if it had happened yesterday.) If you’re overweight, or have ever been overweight, you have undoubtedly shared similar experiences. It sucks. People are mean. I, personally, consider myself a judgment-free zone. (If you know me, this is a phrase you are well-familiar with.) In all situations, not just regarding weight, I try not to judge other peoples actions, choices or lifestyles. Nobody knows what life situations anyone else has been through to evolve and shape them into what/who they are today. Just be nice and treat people with respect and love.

So, August of 2009 my two best friends from high school came to visit with their significant others. My friend Cristin’s husband happens to be obsessed with video documenting all aspects of their life (which I love/hate). We were on the beach and he, unbeknownst to me, took video footage of the day. Later that evening he plugged his camera up to our TV and started playing the recording. There I was, 265+ lbs, IN A BATHING SUIT ON A BIG SCREEN TV!!! I was mortified. It took all of my self-control not to run into the bathroom and start bawling. It’s one thing when you never have to see yourself and avoid mirrors, it’s another when your moving, breathing image, in a damn bathing suit, gets slapped up onto a big screen. No way to avoid the truth.

Just a couple of weeks before my friend, Nicole, had started the Couch to 5K program – a jogging program that lasts for 9 weeks and starts off with you jogging for 60 second intervals at a time and works you up to jogging for 30 minutes straight (or 5K) by the end of the program. Though I had always said I would never be a jogger, I begrudgingly started the program alongside her. Not gonna lie – in the beginning I didn’t even know if I was going to make it through the entire 60 seconds of jogging. But each week I continued to surprise myself and was able to succeed at increasing the length of the intervals on schedule with the program, though some weeks that meant pushing myself more than others. About half way through, the flip switched in my head. You know what? I can do this. And that’s the thing! It’s all in our freaking heads! When your inner dialogue is filled with “I can’t run for 5 minutes” “I can’t say no to that slice of pizza” “there is no way I’m ever going to shed 100 lbs” “I’m fat, I’m ugly, even I don’t want to look at me, how can anyone else” all of these negative thoughts just constantly circling over and over and over, yeah – you know what? YOU NEVER WILL BE ABLE TO MAKE ANY CHANGES. You have to believe in your ability to do it first. It’s going from having an “I can’t attitude” to an “I can” that allows change to happen. Seriously – I truly believe that anyone can do anything if they really put their mind to it and STICK WITH IT! No, nothing will change overnight. It’s thought patterns that have allowed us to reach the weight that we’re at and it’s thought patterns that will similarly allow you to make healthy changes in your lifestyle. That’s the problem with weight-loss surgery as a “solution” and why such a high proportion of people who have it continue to struggle with their weight even afterward. The real problems come from our relationship with food and why, for whatever personal reasons, we over eat.

September 2009, about a month after starting the Couch to 5K program.

Personal reasons aside, weight-loss happens when you burn more calories then you are consuming. That means that a) you should be aware of absolutely everything that you eat and b) you should be aware of how much you are burning! There are some really great online tools these days that allow you to do this super easily and quickly. The one that I’ve been using for the past couple of years is The Daily Plate (which livestrong.com eventually picked up). You put in your height, weight, age, gender, etc, and then tell it how active you are and what your weight-loss goals are and it tells you how many calories per day you can eat an still achieve your goals. BUT BE HONEST! By claiming to a machine that you worked out more than you did, move more in your day to day life, or don’t record your honest caloric in-take, the only person you are cheating (and trying to fool) is yourself! I, personally, didn’t share (and still don’t) my account with anyone. I find it easier to be upfront with my slip-ups when it’s only my eyes that see what I’ve eaten. Hiding what I’d eaten is part of what got me to 265 in the first place. Having an honest relationship with myself about the amount of food I am honestly consuming has allowed me to continue eating bacon every day, or a serving of insanely rich mac & cheese or devilishly delicious peanut butter mousse brownie pie and still continue on a downward track from 265 to 153 over the past two years. Shit, I wrote and ate a cookbook on food porn after I started my weight-loss journey. Yes, some days I eat more than what the calorie counter says I should (hello football game days!), but I don’t hate myself for it and I don’t give up! I just log it in, sigh, then try to do better the next day… and the next day… and the next day.

Also – one thing that I really want to touch on before I move on is the importance of not making unrealistic goals! Sure on reality tv shows where you have a trainer whipping your ass 6 days a week, no job to focus on or kids/spouse’s mouths to feed it’s possible to lose 8 or 10 lbs in a week. That’s an insane and unrealistic goal in the real world. From the beginning, I never set goals of more than 2 lbs a week. Two pounds is an attainable goal for someone with a significant amount of weight to lose. When you set a goal that you can actually reach, you can accomplish it, feel great about it and set a goal for the next week. If you set unattainable goals you are just going to reinforce that “I can’t” attitude as opposed to reprogramming your brain into an “I can” state of mind.

Taken on my first vacation to my new home, Rincon, January 2011

So why am I now, after two years on this journey, sharing my story with you guys? Well, I’m finally getting comfortable with my new self, and trust that I am not going to return to my old way of life. I mean, I spent nearly 30 years obese. I was really scared for a long time that I would be just another statistic and revert back to my old habits. After two years of building positive habits I no longer have that fear. I believe in myself and my ability to maintain control of my life and eating habits. But more importantly, food is what I love. It’s what I live for. Beyond that, it’s my livelihood. I run two websites dedicated to food and write cookbooks. I’ve always wanted to spend my life doing something to help others and right now, I feel like I have a great opportunity. I know that I have a low-cal cookbook in me that will show that getting healthy doesn’t mean you have to give up things like bacon or cheese or chocolate. It just means learning correct portion sizes, feeding your metabolism regularly and moving a little.

Less than a month ago – after we cristened our new-to-us Puerto Rico car with stickers. Dang it, Rincon!

Yes, I will continue to post desserts and high calorie content foods on this site, because true to my life, I will continue to make and eat them. But I’ll do so along side of healthy, delicious recipes. I hope you guys will continue along this journey with me. I have about twenty more pounds until I reach my goal weight, and these last twenty are the hardest. Let’s all be accountabilibuddies, through the good, the bad, the mac & cheeses and the bean & corn salads. If anybody needs support, I’m here. If you’re just beginning your journey and need an ear or want to chat, not in a public forum feel free to email me rather than comment below. (My email is at the bottom of the about page!) Or, alternately, let’s start a community of support. We all need someone to give us a push when we aren’t feeling it, or uplift us when our inner dialogue is weighing us down!

Eating healthy can be EFFING delicious.

You know I couldn’t do this post without sharing a healthy recipe, right? The super flavorful baked spiced tilapia filets with black bean and corn salad & tangy fresh tomatillo salsa verde below serves four and rings in at 373 calories per serving! So good it’ll make you wanna slap yo’ mama but so healthy that you won’t feel guilty about cleaning your plate. (Now you might feel guilty about slapping yo’ mama, but that’s a whole different story!)

Recipes in this post:

• Spicy Baked Tilapia with Black Bean and Corn Salad and Salsa Verde

Related posts:

1. Mahi Mahi with Cherry Chipotle Beurre Blanc
2. Lemon-Herb Grilled Shrimp & Quinoa Salad
3. Seared Mahi in Slow-Roasted Tomato-Tarragon Broth

That was me. Just over two years ago (May 2009) and over 110 pounds ago. This is such a hard, emotionally raw topic for me that I’ve written dozens of posts about it over the past year and discarded them all. But I really want to start sharing my story as I begin work on my newest project – a low-cal, full-flavor cookbook (which I haven’t gone so far as to look for a publisher yet but imma get on that part real soon).

I’ll share a little background with you… by sixth grade I was 180 lbs. By 18 I was pushing 200. By 29 I was 265 (ish… that was the last time I stepped on a scale months before I started losing weight. Probably a little higher than that in reality but I wasn’t able to face it.) I’ve been “overweight” or “obese” the majority of my life. As a kid, my mom always said “oh the allergy shots you had at 7 years old made you gain weight” but lets face it, eating large portions of unhealthy food mixed with a lack of exercise are what really made me gain weight and continue my upward course. It’s so. Effing. Hard to change your habits, regardless of what they are – eating, drinking, smoking, exercise, etc. It’s so easy to say, whatever, I’m fat, this sucks, there’s no end in sight. No way to imagine how to shed 100+ lbs. Shit, it’s hard to even own up to the fact that you need to lose 100+lbs. Nobody starts off life at 265lbs, but over the years somehow you just wake up one day and it’s gotten to that point. And you don’t like looking in the mirror. And you don’t like stepping on the scale. And you can’t stand photos of yourself or, god forbid, video.


Me, also from July 2009, on a trip Tyler and I took to Chicago.

Having been overweight for nearly all of the first 30 years of my life, I know exactly how people treat you. In grade school you get called names like “thunder thighs” or the likes there of (that one still echos clearly in my mind), as you get older people just stop looking you in the eyes. Everyone makes judgments or assumptions on the type of person you must be to have “let yourself” get to that point. I even had a local vendor at the Ocean Beach farmer’s market say to me “Yeah, you should definitely eat some more [grapefruit] and lay off the french fries” as I went to sniff the citrus at his stand. Another time when I was a personal chef in Rancho Santa Fe, I went to buy some beef jerky for the family I was working for and asked a store clerk for help finding it. He took me to the tofu jerky section, aisles away from the actual beef jerky section, and said, “I think this would be better for your needs”. Really? Do you know my needs? Because I “needs” to keep my freaking job and buy beef jerky for my client. Don’t assume, people. (Sorry, 2+ years later, it’s still as raw as if it had happened yesterday.) If you’re overweight, or have ever been overweight, you have undoubtedly shared similar experiences. It sucks. People are mean. I, personally, consider myself a judgment-free zone. (If you know me, this is a phrase you are well-familiar with.) In all situations, not just regarding weight, I try not to judge other peoples actions, choices or lifestyles. Nobody knows what life situations anyone else has been through to evolve and shape them into what/who they are today. Just be nice and treat people with respect and love.

So, August of 2009 my two best friends from high school came to visit with their significant others. My friend Cristin’s husband happens to be obsessed with video documenting all aspects of their life (which I love/hate). We were on the beach and he, unbeknownst to me, took video footage of the day. Later that evening he plugged his camera up to our TV and started playing the recording. There I was, 265+ lbs, IN A BATHING SUIT ON A BIG SCREEN TV!!! I was mortified. It took all of my self-control not to run into the bathroom and start bawling. It’s one thing when you never have to see yourself and avoid mirrors, it’s another when your moving, breathing image, in a damn bathing suit, gets slapped up onto a big screen. No way to avoid the truth.

Just a couple of weeks before my friend, Nicole, had started the Couch to 5K program – a jogging program that lasts for 9 weeks and starts off with you jogging for 60 second intervals at a time and works you up to jogging for 30 minutes straight (or 5K) by the end of the program. Though I had always said I would never be a jogger, I begrudgingly started the program alongside her. Not gonna lie – in the beginning I didn’t even know if I was going to make it through the entire 60 seconds of jogging. But each week I continued to surprise myself and was able to succeed at increasing the length of the intervals on schedule with the program, though some weeks that meant pushing myself more than others. About half way through, the flip switched in my head. You know what? I can do this. And that’s the thing! It’s all in our freaking heads! When your inner dialogue is filled with “I can’t run for 5 minutes” “I can’t say no to that slice of pizza” “there is no way I’m ever going to shed 100 lbs” “I’m fat, I’m ugly, even I don’t want to look at me, how can anyone else” all of these negative thoughts just constantly circling over and over and over, yeah – you know what? YOU NEVER WILL BE ABLE TO MAKE ANY CHANGES. You have to believe in your ability to do it first. It’s going from having an “I can’t attitude” to an “I can” that allows change to happen. Seriously – I truly believe that anyone can do anything if they really put their mind to it and STICK WITH IT! No, nothing will change overnight. It’s thought patterns that have allowed us to reach the weight that we’re at and it’s thought patterns that will similarly allow you to make healthy changes in your lifestyle. That’s the problem with weight-loss surgery as a “solution” and why such a high proportion of people who have it continue to struggle with their weight even afterward. The real problems come from our relationship with food and why, for whatever personal reasons, we over eat.

September 2009, about a month after starting the Couch to 5K program.

Personal reasons aside, weight-loss happens when you burn more calories then you are consuming. That means that a) you should be aware of absolutely everything that you eat and b) you should be aware of how much you are burning! There are some really great online tools these days that allow you to do this super easily and quickly. The one that I’ve been using for the past couple of years is The Daily Plate (which livestrong.com eventually picked up). You put in your height, weight, age, gender, etc, and then tell it how active you are and what your weight-loss goals are and it tells you how many calories per day you can eat an still achieve your goals. BUT BE HONEST! By claiming to a machine that you worked out more than you did, move more in your day to day life, or don’t record your honest caloric in-take, the only person you are cheating (and trying to fool) is yourself! I, personally, didn’t share (and still don’t) my account with anyone. I find it easier to be upfront with my slip-ups when it’s only my eyes that see what I’ve eaten. Hiding what I’d eaten is part of what got me to 265 in the first place. Having an honest relationship with myself about the amount of food I am honestly consuming has allowed me to continue eating bacon every day, or a serving of insanely rich mac & cheese or devilishly delicious peanut butter mousse brownie pie and still continue on a downward track from 265 to 153 over the past two years. Shit, I wrote and ate a cookbook on food porn after I started my weight-loss journey. Yes, some days I eat more than what the calorie counter says I should (hello football game days!), but I don’t hate myself for it and I don’t give up! I just log it in, sigh, then try to do better the next day… and the next day… and the next day.

Also – one thing that I really want to touch on before I move on is the importance of not making unrealistic goals! Sure on reality tv shows where you have a trainer whipping your ass 6 days a week, no job to focus on or kids/spouse’s mouths to feed it’s possible to lose 8 or 10 lbs in a week. That’s an insane and unrealistic goal in the real world. From the beginning, I never set goals of more than 2 lbs a week. Two pounds is an attainable goal for someone with a significant amount of weight to lose. When you set a goal that you can actually reach, you can accomplish it, feel great about it and set a goal for the next week. If you set unattainable goals you are just going to reinforce that “I can’t” attitude as opposed to reprogramming your brain into an “I can” state of mind.

Taken on my first vacation to my new home, Rincon, January 2011

So why am I now, after two years on this journey, sharing my story with you guys? Well, I’m finally getting comfortable with my new self, and trust that I am not going to return to my old way of life. I mean, I spent nearly 30 years obese. I was really scared for a long time that I would be just another statistic and revert back to my old habits. After two years of building positive habits I no longer have that fear. I believe in myself and my ability to maintain control of my life and eating habits. But more importantly, food is what I love. It’s what I live for. Beyond that, it’s my livelihood. I run two websites dedicated to food and write cookbooks. I’ve always wanted to spend my life doing something to help others and right now, I feel like I have a great opportunity. I know that I have a low-cal cookbook in me that will show that getting healthy doesn’t mean you have to give up things like bacon or cheese or chocolate. It just means learning correct portion sizes, feeding your metabolism regularly and moving a little.

Less than a month ago – after we cristened our new-to-us Puerto Rico car with stickers. Dang it, Rincon!

Yes, I will continue to post desserts and high calorie content foods on this site, because true to my life, I will continue to make and eat them. But I’ll do so along side of healthy, delicious recipes. I hope you guys will continue along this journey with me. I have about twenty more pounds until I reach my goal weight, and these last twenty are the hardest. Let’s all be accountabilibuddies, through the good, the bad, the mac & cheeses and the bean & corn salads. If anybody needs support, I’m here. If you’re just beginning your journey and need an ear or want to chat, not in a public forum feel free to email me rather than comment below. (My email is at the bottom of the about page!) Or, alternately, let’s start a community of support. We all need someone to give us a push when we aren’t feeling it, or uplift us when our inner dialogue is weighing us down!

Eating healthy can be EFFING delicious.

You know I couldn’t do this post without sharing a healthy recipe, right? The super flavorful baked spiced tilapia filets with black bean and corn salad & tangy fresh tomatillo salsa verde below serves four and rings in at 373 calories per serving! So good it’ll make you wanna slap yo’ mama but so healthy that you won’t feel guilty about cleaning your plate. (Now you might feel guilty about slapping yo’ mama, but that’s a whole different story!)

Recipes in this post:

• Spicy Baked Tilapia with Black Bean and Corn Salad and Salsa Verde

Related posts:

1. Mahi Mahi with Cherry Chipotle Beurre Blanc
2. Lemon-Herb Grilled Shrimp & Quinoa Salad
3. Seared Mahi in Slow-Roasted Tomato-Tarragon Broth